It was annoying the first week, sad the second and weirdly calm the third week. The paranoia of not being able to make it through this period of isolation.
I rearranged my room twice in the past two weeks and the work still continues. Rearranged the photographs on the wooden board and scavenged through the old writings I have collected over the years. Using nostalgia and eating endlessly to pass time was a good idea until I realized it did not help me overcome the blockage of movement in fresh air, spending time walking by myself and getting hold of that moment of relief when I would lie down on my bed or rest on the chair after a day of heavy work.
What I realized as I stepped into this week was I was okay being at home. Did I miss inhaling and exhaling the partially polluted packets of air molecules? Sure! But I had adapted being at home much faster than I thought I would. I found at least an hour for myself every day and did really nothing in those moments.
I had not experienced this freedom for a very long time. It is surreal !
While I spent the first two weeks rewiring my schedule to match partially with my family’s that is away from me and partly with my current time zone, I was collapsing all of the the moments into nothing. By the end of the second week as I had my (to be morning) tea at 12 in the noon, I realised I was spiraling down.
I had to move on from the coldness of isolation. While I was having frequent phone calls and Skype sessions with friends and family but the fact that I was not able to move outside, visit the church or running to my favourite craft store was just a nightmare. I decided to take it step by step and let myself feel the hole that was left with the restriction of movement had created.
Well, I didn’t really do anything. Thought of it and then went back to sipping back my now lukewarm tea. I spent two more days in the gloom and realized I had become ignorant even towards the most crucial tasks in the bid, if not ignore I was definitely procrastinating it. Fear of losing control over myself started creeping in. I spent a good three hours letting fear take control over me and lay in bed.
The next day I woke up, brushed my teeth and headed to the kitchen counter to make a cup of tea. Sat by myself for a good half an hour and revised the tasks I had to do and started my day by ticking off one task after another.
Two days later, I had a schedule for myself, starting with an exclusive time with myself at the start of the day. It is a treasure! I had started to settle in with the idea of being disconnected and yet having much more strengthened bonds.
This isolation period has definitely guided me to things I had lost in the past few years – to be both a child and an old woman and to enjoy every day with every passing moment !