It is difficult to make choices sometimes.
Sometimes because you have to sacrifice comfort, sometimes because none of the options seem to do you any good or they are all perfect, sometimes because you are selfish and sometimes because you are relentlessly selfless.
But when the fork end appears in your life you have to choose one and move ahead.
LIFE IS LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE. TO KEEP BALANCE YOU MUST KEEP MOVING – an Einstein quote my friend, Pranav would always throw at me every time I got stuck up in a loop or a situation. What I interpreted then was that I really shouldn’t care much but to get out of the chaos in that particular moment. A lesson I chose not to learn for a very long time.
However, I strongly believe when you do not learn something from a situation, the same lesson becomes tough the next time and the drill continues until you embrace it with wide open arms.
I was presented with opportunities and choices – mesmerizing and tantalizing ones. And every single time, I chose not to choose. It was not that I did not know what I wanted. It was the fear of being disliked for my choices and being selfish. To want to please everyone is not a desirable quality, it is a disease. And I say this out of experience. Because no one on the planet who does things to please others or make others happy at the cost of their own freedom becomes happy.
MY CUP RUNNETH OVER is an Oprah quote I decided to live by since 2016. However, the essence of this quote to lies in making conscious choices which make you happy and in turn allow you to fill others lives with the same happiness.
It was not recently until I would lose a not so handsome opportunity to some one else. The fault of mine being to choose not to act on the opportunity. I regretted it from the core of my heart. Although, it was not as attractive as the opportunities I had lost earlier, but it made a huge impact. Not being able to judge what my fault was then, I took a small sabbatical for few weeks, assessing myself. And that is when it hit me – the choice to not make a choice had cost me a lot for no fault of the conditions whatsoever. To stand by myself and for the path I choose is what I understood in those few days. However, I still hold the upbringing within me to bring happiness to others which would again cost me a fortune of experience.
It made me unhappy, brawling over the matter for a week, knowing in my heart what my decision would be but being more concerned about how it would impact the people in my life. This time around, I spoke to another friend. He unlike my earlier best friend seemed to be a rational man with no filters on.
As much as I highly appreciate people being straight-forward, it certainly pressed the wrong buttons when my friend said I should have been more decisive about the situation. BUT THE TRUTH WAS NEVER SWEET, WAS IT? It was just another reminder of how I was willingly sacrificing an opportunity of a lifetime to ease the life of few known people. The conversation reminded me of every single time my father tells me to stand by my choices forgetting what sense it made to the rest of the world.
My elder sister studied in a school where applying henna would lead to punishment. However since all of us had a small function in our society, we decided to apply it on our hands just like other girls. My sister’s hesitance was understood by my uncle. He came over and asked her, why she was not applying it to her hands. She replied saying – ‘ I will get a remark in my diary for applying it. My teachers are going to think I am disobedient.” My uncle non-chalantly replied, “Girl, if you want to enjoy this one precious day with your friends and do what your heart tells you, go get your hands coloured and then get a remark. No one is going to see your diary after the next three months”
The conversation with my friend brought back the memories of all those instances when I chose not to choose and let the situation take control of my happiness. And it forced me to choose to take control of the moment I owned but never knew I did.
Now, I do want to ride the bicycle of life, make choices at every turn and keep moving on!